I love talking about the benefits of finding your tribe.
As some of you will know if you've followed me for a while!
But what makes a good tribe?
Qualities of a Tribe
You’re ideally looking to surround yourself with:
People you trust
People who improve you
People with different skills
People who hold you accountable
You want your Tribe to support each other when someone is down.
You want your Tribe to revel in each others victories.
You want your Tribe to call each other out when someone is talking BS.
You want your Tribe to be free from gossip.
You want your Tribe to dispense knowledge freely without self seeking motives.
You want your Tribe to match your values, views, etc.
You want your Tribe to benefit from being a part of it.
You want your Tribe to have a positive impact on each others life.
Maybe this sounds like a tall order but you will find it and you will know it’s a right fit, if you keep these in mind.
Your tribe is out there.
Using your Tribe for your own growth
You want to retain your own identity, I would never encourage you differently.
You can be a part of a Tribe and still remain, YOU.
But, for successful personal growth, why not cherry pick parts of your Tribe members that you know will work well for you:
1. Identify their traits that will work for you
This could be confidence, composure, physical fitness, calm under pressure.
Whatever it is you see in one of your tribesmen, if it resonates with you as something maybe you want to be better at or work on then go & try it out.
You’ll never know unless you give it a try.
2. Implement strengths that'll better you
This could be anything, from the way they react to situations with their spouse that you need to work on or how they conduct business.
It could be a fatherhood tool or a fitness hack.
Something, anything, that you can use to better yourself.
3. Add some of them to your repertoire
Throw a few things into your arsenal and watch yourself grow, I mean, that’s what you’re surrounding yourself with these like-minded people for, so you can all grow together.
As I said previously, try things out and see what works, and what doesn’t.
4. Incorporate things you've learned
Again, take action. It’s all well and good learning things from your tribe but you have to put them to work otherwise it’s a massive waste.
Surrounding yourself with people from different backgrounds, etc, will bring a variety of skills, knowledge & experience which you can use.
5. Acquire tools that'll improve you
It all comes down to what will help you grow, progress, improve. Don’t start mimicking someone’s annoying catchphrases or how they wear their hat. You need to make sure that what you are acquiring from your tribe is truly going to benefit your life, for you and those around you.
Ultimately though, you want to keep yourself at the heart of any changes you make because you want to show people the true to you.
You know why?
Because it’s important that you show your tribe what you have to offer so they can use your traits, etc to better their own life.
Good times and bad
Not everything will be a bed of roses when you become part of a Tribe. You will still experience life’s ups and downs, but this time, you’ll have a strong support network to help you through the down times and help keep you on track through the good.
Through good times & bad, this is what a successful, fully functioning Tribe should look like for everyone involved:
Hold you accountable
Stop you isolating
Offer you support
Have your back
Call you out
Lift you up
Basically, through the ups and downs, you’re together as one unit.
So, build your inner circle.
Build your brotherhood.
Whatever you to choose to call it.
Find it. Build it. Shape it. Trust in it.
Iron sharpens iron.
The best surround themselves with the best.
Lone wolf to Tribe
Being a lone wolf, as you can guess from the label, is lonely.
It'll leave you isolated with no-one to support you.
I felt that way for a long part of my life.
Like I didn't want to belong or more accurately, the more I tried to belong, the more I preferred my own company.
This became more apparent when I was drinking, of course.
In the end, I had to strip away this character I’d built up for myself; this lone wolf, I can do everything myself and I don’t need your help persona, and had to go back to basics & really bond with my new brothers.
I had to remove my ego & pride, and really embrace being surrounded by like-minded people.
A tribe provides you with accountability and a lot of people need that nowadays.
People are drifting around, worry about certain aspects of their lives. Not dealing with anything. And closing themselves off.
When you bottle things up with no outlet, it can become very unhealthy.
I reached out for a tribe when things became VERY unhealthy and I'm so glad I did.
Different kinds of Tribes
So, I always suggest finding the right tribe to suit you.
The main starting point would be seeking out like-minded people as it’s not a long stretch.
If you’re an addict, somewhere like AA or another recovery program would be beneficial.
If you're a Dad then a Dad's group. There are normal some in your local area. Libraries normally do meet ups for Dads and even some coffee shops do.
Men's group seem to be primarily be things like local sports team or boxing clubs.
Online groups for Men are a great resource, here are a few that I know of that people have had good experiences with:
For me, finding a tribe has been very beneficial.
Beneficial for my recovery
Beneficial for my mindset
Beneficial for my personal growth
Beneficial for my fatherhood journey
Beneficial for my support
Beneficial for my peace of mind
Beneficial for my business ideas
But, I've been able to help others within my tribe.
I've been able to help others through their struggles and to me that is one of the greatest gifts.
I've learned new skills that have benefited me for both business & personal.
I've learned of new ways to cope with situations that used to baffle me.
Surround yourself with a Tribe and grow together.
I'll leave you with this simple statement as it relates to finding your tribe and everything I've laid out:
If surrounded yourself with a tribe can potentially benefit you, why not give it a try?!
I tried to do things on my own and it didn't work. Having a tribe works, for me.